{"id":124754,"date":"2024-11-18T18:03:19","date_gmt":"2024-11-19T01:03:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bemorewithless.com\/?p=124754"},"modified":"2024-11-18T18:05:37","modified_gmt":"2024-11-19T01:05:37","slug":"better-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bemorewithless.com\/better-boundaries\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Small but Mighty Ways to Set Better Better Boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"728\" height=\"400\" src=\"https:\/\/bemorewithless.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/better-boundaries-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-127474\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Note: This article on better boundaries is by contributing writer, Tammy Strobel.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>These eight small but mighty ways to set better boundaries will help you communicate what is best for you and your relationships, in life and work. In my twenties, setting healthy boundaries wasn\u2019t easy for me. I had a hard time saying no, and tended to put other people\u2019s needs ahead of my own. My inability to set boundaries impacted my work, relationships, health, and how I spent my time. Maybe you can relate (at any age)?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I changed my habits by seeking support and learning about boundaries. Nedra Glover Tawwab \u2013 therapist and bestselling author \u2013 <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/how-to-say-no-boundaries-with-nedra-glover-tawwab\/id1564530722?i=1000577043072\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">defines boundaries<\/a> as, \u201cNeeds that need to be expressed verbally or through your behavior. It can be you saying to a person, \u2018I need help with,\u2019 \u2018No, I would like more of,\u2019 or \u2018Please don\u2019t do this.\u2019 Or it could be you stepping back in a relationship when you stated a boundary.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With help from authors, like Tawwab, setting boundaries with kindness and compassion became easier for me over time. To be clear: I\u2019m still learning about boundaries. I also have to remind myself that it\u2019s not my job to manage how other people feel about my boundaries. For me, this will be a lifelong project.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this piece, I\u2019ll share seven steps that continue to help me set boundaries. It\u2019s important to note that the steps below are based on my personal experiences and learnings. If you need extra support, consider talking to a mental health professional.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-reflect-on-your-needs\"><strong>1. Reflect on your needs<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When I began to set boundaries, I reflected on my needs in my journal. I started with my work life, and asked myself questions like:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>What type of schedule would help you feel supported at work?&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>How can you prevent burnout?&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>How can you communicate with a supervisor who crosses a boundary?&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>I came up with a list of work-related boundaries that have helped me reduce <a href=\"https:\/\/tammystrobel.substack.com\/p\/adventures-with-burnout\">burnout<\/a>. Here\u2019s my brief list:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>I don\u2019t check work email on the weekends.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I take vacation time, and I don\u2019t work on vacation.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I talk with my supervisors and coworkers about my needs.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Communicating my needs (aka boundaries) at work helped me be a better employee. They also act as a filter in many life spheres. As <a href=\"https:\/\/traipsingabout.substack.com\/p\/building-solid-friendships-the-right\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Dakota Gale<\/a> said, \u201cI realized that setting boundaries acts as a friend filter to prioritize the people you want in your life.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>2. Try the \u201cRelationship Golden Rule\u201d&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cSay what you mean, and trust your conversation partner to do the same,\u201d <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.melissau.com\/p\/wwmud-my-friends-wont-speak-up\">says<\/a> bestselling author <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.melissau.com\/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Melissa Urban<\/a>. This is the essence of her \u201cRelationship Golden Rule.\u201d&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Urban goes on to <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.melissau.com\/p\/wwmud-my-friends-wont-speak-up\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">explain<\/a>, \u201cBy setting and holding your own boundaries clearly and kindly, you\u2019ll give others permission to do the same, send the message that you\u2019re a safe person to share their needs and feelings with, and start to shift the communication patterns of your entire group. But remember, you can\u2019t do it for them. The only person\u2019s needs, feelings, and communications you\u2019re responsible for here is <em>you.\u201d<\/em> Urban\u2019s advice is excellent and has helped me set boundaries with compassion. I also trust my loved ones to do the same.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-prioritize-simple-language-for-better-boundaries\"><strong>3. Prioritize simple language for better boundaries<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Using simple, clear language is helpful. For example, I\u2019ll say things like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Please don\u2019t call me about work tasks or projects after 5pm on weekdays (or on the weekends).<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I\u2019m on a tight budget, so having dinner at that restaurant won\u2019t work for me. Can we explore other options?&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I don\u2019t feel comfortable having difficult conversations via text message. Can we talk on the phone or in-person?&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/bemorewithless.com\/no\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">No thank you<\/a>. I&#8217;m not available.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Using simple language makes communicating a lot easier! I\u2019ve learned that I don\u2019t need to tell an in-depth story to get my needs met.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>4. Be consistent<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Over time, stating my boundaries has become easier. I struggle with consistency, though. For example, it\u2019s easy for me to say to a supervisor: \u201cPlease don\u2019t call me about work tasks or projects after 5pm on weekdays (or on the weekends).\u201d&nbsp;If a supervisor violates my boundary, that\u2019s when I struggle. I know a hard conversation is on the horizon; otherwise the behavior will continue. Hard conversations about boundaries at work are uncomfortable, and essential. Without stating my needs \u2013 consistently \u2013 I\u2019m prone to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.buzzfeednews.com\/article\/annehelenpetersen\/millennials-burnout-generation-debt-work\">burnout<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>5. Consider resistance<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When I started setting boundaries, I encountered resistance. People weren\u2019t used to me saying \u201cno\u201d and some folks pushed back. However, the more I practice communicating clearly, the better equipped I am to deal with resistance. Relying on clear communication helps people understand my requests.&nbsp;I don&#8217;t take resistance personally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>6. Respect the boundaries of others&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I strive to respect the boundaries of my co-workers, family, and friends. For example, I love to send text messages to friends. However, a friend recently shared that she doesn\u2019t enjoy texting back and forth. Moving forward, I will respect her request to text less. We talked about the best ways to stay connected like talking on the phone, having lunch together, or going for long walks in the park.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m not a mind reader, so I\u2019m happy she was honest with me. To be true to my values, it\u2019s essential for me to also listen and respect other\u2019s needs; whether they are big or small.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-7-stay-open-to-better-boundaries\">7. Stay open to better boundaries.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>While it&#8217;s important to honor the boundaries you set, stay open to better boundaries. Over time, relationships change, your life changes and you may even change your mind about boundaries you&#8217;ve set. Shift as needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-8-seek-support\"><strong>8. Seek support<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If you need help setting \u2013 and maintaining \u2013 boundaries, seek support. Find a therapist, read books, and talk to trusted friends about your struggles. Asking for help can feel vulnerable, and it\u2019s empowering. Without support, I wouldn\u2019t be able to communicate my boundaries with clarity and kindness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;ll leave you with some &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/traipsingabout.substack.com\/p\/building-solid-friendships-the-right\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">unsolicited advice<\/a>&#8221; from my friend Dakota:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cBOUNDARIES. Set them. Hold them. Use the feedback signals you get to decide where to invest your energy. I promise your relationships (and life) will improve. As the saying goes, \u2018the people who mind don\u2019t matter and the people who matter don\u2019t mind.\u2019\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Resources<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Do you want to learn more about boundaries? Explore the resource list below:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nedratawwab.com\/set-boundaries-find-peace-1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Set Boundaries, Find Peace<\/em><\/a> by Nedra Glover Tawwab is full of helpful stories and tips. If you struggle with boundaries, this book is for you!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Nedra Glover Tawwab also writes a helpful <a href=\"https:\/\/nedratawwab.substack.com\/\">newsletter<\/a> about \u201cmental health, relationships, and life.\u201d I\u2019m also a fan of her <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/nedratawwab\/\">Instagram<\/a> posts. They are short, concise, and full of wisdom.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Consider reading <a href=\"https:\/\/www.melissau.com\/boundaries-book\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Book of Boundaries<\/em><\/a> by Melissa Urban and <a href=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/3OFO5Hm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Drama Free<\/em><\/a><em> <\/em>by Nedra Glover Tawwab.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Listen to \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/how-to-set-hold-boundaries-with-melissa-urban\/id1564530722?i=1000584039948\">How to Set &amp; Hold Boundaries with Melissa Urban<\/a>\u201d and \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/how-to-say-no-boundaries-with-nedra-glover-tawwab\/id1564530722?i=1000577043072\">How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab<\/a>.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Preorder Courtney&#8217;s new book, <a href=\"https:\/\/bemorewithless.com\/books\/gentle\/\"><em>Gentle, Rest More, Stress Less and Live The Life You Actually Want.<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Note: This article on better boundaries is by contributing writer, Tammy Strobel. These eight small but mighty ways to set better boundaries will help you communicate what is best for you and your relationships, in life and&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":22,"featured_media":127476,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_convertkit_action_broadcast_export":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-124754","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-wellness","8":"entry"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.1 (Yoast SEO v25.1) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>8 Small but Mighty Ways to Set Better Better Boundaries - 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