{"id":2182,"date":"2014-11-20T07:03:00","date_gmt":"2014-11-20T14:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bemorewithless.com\/?p=2182"},"modified":"2022-09-14T09:47:47","modified_gmt":"2022-09-14T15:47:47","slug":"lettinggo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bemorewithless.com\/lettinggo\/","title":{"rendered":"Letting Go of Frustrations & Stress"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Letting<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

Little note from Courtney:<\/em> This is a guest post\u00a0by\u00a0<\/b>Leo Babauta<\/a>.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve been experimenting with simplicity, you\u2019ve been practicing letting go.<\/p>\n

But if you\u2019ve found some frustrations with trying to simplify<\/a>, or have a fair amount of stress in your life \u2026 it might be time to try some Advanced Letting Go Practices. Luckily, it turns out that you\u2019re well prepared with the letting go you\u2019ve already been practicing.<\/p>\n

We all face stress, but it can pile up as we try to make changes in our lives but also have a crapton of work to do and maybe mounting holiday obligations and (in my case at least) kids who seem to need your attention every waking minute (and bless them for it).<\/p>\n

We all face frustrations, but simplifying your life comes with additional frustrations, especially if you have others in your life who aren\u2019t totally on board.<\/p>\n

What are we to do?<\/p>\n

We practice letting go. And in the process, we find peace.<\/p>\n

The Letting Go Process<\/h2>\n

Let\u2019s take a quick look at the process you might already be practicing as you let go of your possessions:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. You ask yourself whether something is worthy of being in your life (ex: that treadmill you had high hopes for but only used twice, in separate bouts of optimism).<\/li>\n
  2. You realize that it\u2019s causing more headaches than joy.<\/li>\n
  3. You are a bit fearful but purge your life of this burden in a fit of ecstasy.<\/li>\n
  4. You find that this results in a newfound sense of freedom and release.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Does that sound familiar? Your particular process might either have more fear and tug-of-war of desires involved, or perhaps you\u2019re a pro and let go of things as easily as I can eat vegan pie (really easily). But even if your process is a bit different, the rough outline is probably similar.<\/p>\n

    What does this have to do with overcoming frustrations and stress? It\u2019s the same process.<\/p>\n

    The Things That Frustrate & Stress Us Out<\/h2>\n

    So let\u2019s now make a list of some things that might be causing you frustration and stress (they won\u2019t apply to everyone, of course):<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. When other people criticize or don\u2019t understand.<\/li>\n
    2. Having too much to do \u2014 or more accurately, wanting to get it all done.<\/li>\n
    3. Having lots of obligations and commitments.<\/li>\n
    4. Needing to drive around and do errands and drop off kids.<\/li>\n
    5. Christmas shopping.<\/li>\n
    6. Not having enough time to simplify.<\/li>\n
    7. Having too many emails or incoming requests.<\/li>\n
    8. Kids who make a mess.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      This isn\u2019t a complete list, nor will these apply to all of you. But you might recognize a few causes of frustrations and stress here from your own life, and it might be a good idea to add your own to this list in the comments below.<\/p>\n

      Here\u2019s the thing that will help us in the letting go process: it\u2019s not really the other people or the incoming requests or the shopping or errands or messes that stress us out and frustrate us. It\u2019s not the external circumstances \u2014 it\u2019s our desire that relates to these circumstances.<\/p>\n

      What do I mean? Well, having errands (external circumstance) isn\u2019t the cause of stress \u2014 it\u2019s wanting to get all of them done by a certain time, and the worry that we won\u2019t, that stresses us out. Having someone criticize you (external circumstance) doesn\u2019t cause stress \u2014 it\u2019s wanting to not be criticized that causes it. Kids making a mess (external circumstance) isn\u2019t the cause of frustration \u2014 it\u2019s wanting them not to make the mess that frustrates us.<\/p>\n

      The external circumstance is never the cause of stress or frustration \u2014 it\u2019s our internal desire. But what if we think we should have that internal desire?<\/p>\n

      That\u2019s where advanced letting go comes into play.<\/p>\n

      Advanced Letting Go Practices<\/h2>\n

      We want to have our desires. We want to be able to wish that other people wouldn\u2019t criticize, or that our kids wouldn\u2019t make messes, or that life would be calm and peaceful without a million demands.<\/p>\n

      And that\u2019s nice, but in reality, life is never that way. Never. Life is never without a million demands, and we never are free from people who make messes, and we\u2019ll never have everyone understand us and refrain from criticizing. This is the cost of living an interesting life \u2014 if we never had messes or demands on our time, we\u2019d probably be doing life wrong.<\/p>\n

      The question is how we deal with this reality. We want our desires, but we also need to deal with messy, demanding, non-understanding reality.<\/p>\n

      I say, try the same letting go you\u2019ve been practicing with simplifying your stuff.<\/p>\n

      These are more advanced skills, so if you haven\u2019t honed your sword on clutter yet, don\u2019t try these practices. But if you\u2019re ready, let\u2019s give it a go.<\/p>\n

      First, let\u2019s see how we can apply the above letting go practice to our desires:<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. You ask yourself whether something is worthy of being in your life (ex: the desire for an always-neat home).<\/li>\n
      2. You realize that it\u2019s causing more headaches than joy \u2014 because it stresses you out and gets you mad at your kids.<\/li>\n
      3. You think perhaps you don\u2019t need to change, but decide to try letting go of this burden. You embrace the reality of your messy kids.<\/li>\n
      4. You find that this results in a newfound sense of freedom and release. You are less stressed and happier with your kids.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        This will be more difficult than getting rid of the clothes you haven\u2019t worn for a month, because you are likely to think that you should<\/i> be able to desire a neat home, that other people should<\/i> behave better than they do. But try it.<\/p>\n

        Some of the things I challenge you to let go of:<\/h2>\n
          \n
        1. The desire to do anything to near perfection (which causes stress and\/or procrastination).<\/li>\n
        2. The desire for everyone to think well of you (which causes stress when you fear they don\u2019t). Honestly, I\u2019m not perfect, and if some people like me and others think I\u2019m less-than-perfect, that\u2019s pretty fair.<\/li>\n
        3. The desire to get everything done (which causes stress, like when you are doing errands or have a million things to do). Honestly, we\u2019ll never get everything done. All we can do is one thing at a time, and then the next, so focus on what\u2019s right in front of you.<\/li>\n
        4. The desire to say yes to everyone (which causes you to be stretched thin and stressed out). If you say yes to everyone, you will be saying no to yourself.<\/li>\n
        5. The desire for others to behave as they should (which causes you to be frustrated with them). People will not behave well all the time, and that\u2019s OK, because you don\u2019t either.<\/li>\n
        6. The desire to have lots of time to simplify (or do anything), which causes you frustration that you don\u2019t have the time. Instead, just do a little, when you can, and clear up more time when you\u2019re able to later.<\/li>\n
        7. The desire for there to be fewer requests and emails, which causes you stress, or the desire to handle all of it. Instead, accept that there will be lots of incoming information and requests, and don\u2019t try to deal with all of it. Do what you can, one thing at a time.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          That\u2019s a good start. I also challenge you to start noticing when you\u2019re stressed or frustrated, and to examine what desire is at the heart of this feeling. And then see if you can practice letting it go.<\/p>\n

          Think of this as the Zen practice in the middle of your chaotic life. If you get good at this, with practice, you\u2019ll be able to find peace when before there was only frustration.<\/p>\n

          You can find more articles from Leo on Zen Habits.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

          Little note from Courtney: This is a guest post\u00a0by\u00a0Leo Babauta. If you\u2019ve been experimenting with simplicity, you\u2019ve been practicing letting go. But if you\u2019ve found some frustrations with trying to simplify, or have a fair amount of…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_convertkit_action_broadcast_export":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-2182","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-simplify-your-life","7":"entry","8":"has-post-thumbnail"},"yoast_head":"\nLetting Go of Frustrations & Stress - Be More with Less<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We practice letting go. 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