We’d all like a quick fix to calm anxiety but it’s usually not that simple. When we feel anxious, it’s more challenging to come up with a calm down plan. Having some gentle reminders, and techniques on hand will help relieve the panic of, “what now?”
10 Gentle Reminders and Ideas to Help You Calm Anxiety
Depending on what’s going on and how you are feeling, one or more of these suggestions may be helpful. Take what works for you and gently leave the rest behind. These suggestions can help when you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, or anytime you want to build more calm into your life.
1. Stop giving your all.
If you are worn out because you’ve been doing your best and giving your all, today is a good day to see what happens when you pull back and save some of that time and energy just for you. I will not give my all because I refuse to leave myself with nothing. I used to commit my “all” to jobs, people, projects and other things. And in every attempt to give my all, I’d lose it all. I deserve the love, time, attention and energy that the world demands and so do you. Be gentle and save some for you.
2. Change your measurement system.
Resist the urge to measure the quality of your day by the quantity of your accomplishments. When who you are is what you do, it’s never enough. If your to-do list is taunting you or you are beating yourself up for not getting enough done, make a new list. Make a list of what made you smile today, of who you made smile, and a list of what tiny joys and simple pleasures you are looking forward to experiencing tomorrow. Measure less by what you do and more by how you feel, less by what’s on your to-do list and more by what’s on your heart.
3. Less = less.
For less anxiety, consider less for other areas of your life. I recommend starting with your closet. You can remove a significant amount of stress from your life simply by reducing the number of items in your closet. Fewer items means fewer decisions which can make a big difference especially when you want to calm anxiety. When you are overwhelmed with anxiety about everything you have to manage in a day, the best plan is to reduce everything. Less stuff = less managing.
4. Let things be messy.
When I feel frustrated and wish I had it all figured out, I remember that the messiest times of my life have inspired the most profound change and growth. In the midst of a mess, when I want to calm anxiety, instead of trying to fix the mess, I accept it. On the days when you aren’t your best, and when things are messy, be gentle with yourself. Don’t expect or demand more than you have to give. Remind yourself that “perfect” isn’t real. The messes have something to offer.
5. It’s time to take care of yourself, right now.
That moment, when you think you don’t have time to take care of yourself, is the exact moment you have to take care of yourself. Don’t delay an opportunity to calm anxiety. Sometimes it just takes a few minutes of coming back to yourself, breathing and feeling your feet on the floor. Even though it feels like everything else is more urgent, your health and wellbeing are ultimately the most important. To calm anxiety quickly, try this little trick.
Answers to your questions about anxiety from a therapist
Rachel Shanken, LMHC, Therapist and Founder of mindbodywise.com (and my dear friend) graciously agreed to share some of her expertise about anxiety. She says, Anxiety feels uncomfortable, and it’s natural to want to stop it. But the first step is to recognize that your body is sending you a signal to pay attention.
How can I stop feeling anxious? Anxiety feels uncomfortable, and it’s natural to want to stop it. But the first step is to recognize that your body is sending you a signal to pay attention. Narrating what you feel (“My heart is racing. My stomach feels queasy. I’m feeling restless”) helps your brain identify what’s happening in your body. This approach serves to shift you into the analytical part of your brain, which de-escalates the anxiety. Once your brain and body are calmer, you can decide on additional tools like these, these or these to further reduce the anxiety.
What are common signs of anxiety (how do I know if I have anxiety)? Anxiety is your body’s response to perceived danger, even if nothing is imminently dangerous. Symptoms are usually a combination of mind, body and emotional signals that include but are not limited to:
- Chronic worrying
- Increased heart rate or heart palpitations
- Increased body temperature or sweating
- Obsessive and/or racing thoughts
- Overwhelming fear of the “what ifs” (catastrophic thoughts)
- Feeling restless, antsy or agitated
- Difficulty sleeping through the night
- Change in appetite
- Headaches
- Neck & back tension
- Stomach upset
- Fear of impending doom
- Shortness of breath
- Weakness in legs
- Feeling like you’re going crazy
What is the mind-body connection and how can it help my anxiety? The mind-body connection is the communication bridge between the mind and the body and
vice versa. Yes, this communication channel goes in both directions. Sometimes there is a disconnect in this communication system, where the mind and body operate separately from one another which can lead to anxiety. Additionally, because anxiety impacts both your mind and your body, the most effective way to decrease it is by addressing the whole human: mind and body.
Is there anything I shouldn’t do when I have anxiety? What not to do while in the midst of anxiety:
- Try to figure out why you’re feeling anxious.
- Tell yourself you shouldn’t be feeling this way.
- Blame yourself for feeling whatever you’re feeling.
- Sit in a way that compresses your ribs or makes breathing more difficult.
When should I talk to a professional about my anxiety? When your anxiety begins to regularly interfere with your ability to be present, difficulty fully functioning in your everyday life, or when you are aware that anxiety is significantly decreasing
your joy – it’s time to consider seeing a therapist. Stress is a normal part of being human, but anxiety doesn’t have to be. It’s better to catch it early than to wait, as anxiety can tend to snowball quickly.
6. Pushing through causes more anxious feelings.
The next time things get hard or you don’t feel well, instead of pushing through, try resting through or easing through. Anxiety tells us to push through and then multiplies when we do. We trick ourselves into believing that if we can just keep pushing, things will be better on the other side. The only thing waiting for us the other side is more anxiety and exhaustion. Rest instead. Rest has the healing power to bring us back to the gentlest versions of ourselves.
7. You are not the problem.
When you feel anxious and overwhelmed, you are not the problem. The problem is not your organizing skills or how you manage your time. The problem is that you are dealing with too much. I’m not a very organized person. That’s why living with less works so well for me. There is less to keep track of, less to lose and less to think about.
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I understand the idea of being organized, and the benefit of having organizational systems and routines but I also see that most of these systems were just created to help us save everything and store more stuff and get more done so we can bask in the glow of our productivity. I don’t care about those things. One of the reasons we are so easily overwhelmed is because we have so much to deal with. By turning your focus from organizing to living with less, you can create more margin so when bigger things happen they don’t completely upend your life. You need a buffer and some margin for the unexpected. Let’s face it, if organizing worked, we’d be organized by now.
8. Alcohol adds fuel to the anxiety fire.
Choosing not to drink alcohol anymore simplified my life more than any other change I made. I stopped drinking in 2019 and I was shocked by the results. I expected to sleep better and save money, but I had no idea how much more anxious I was while I was drinking. And of course, when a situation came up that caused me anxiety, I thought a nice glass of wine would make me feel better not realizing that I was literally pouring fuel on the fire. Without alcohol, I am naturally less anxious.
9. How something ends up never depends on how much you worry about it.
Does worrying about something ever calm anxiety. It doesn’t work for me at all. Instead, when I worry I end up thinking about all of the other things that could go wrong. I catastrophize. I lose myself in fear. When I notice myself worrying, I also notice my anxiety. They are often two sides of the same coin. They really feed off of each other. When you are caught in the worry trap, try some of these escapes.
10. It’s ok to ask for help.
If you struggle to ask for help to calm anxiety, remember that thing about “pushing through” above. You don’t have to go it alone. From therapy to medication and other treatments, your anxiety may require extra help. Asking for help means you are trusting yourself to do what is best for you. That’s pretty amazing.
