I began simplifying my life before I knew I was simplifying my life. As a busy, stressed out, working mom and wife, I was always on a deadline, usually running late and kept coming up short with my time, money and energy. I thought this was basic adulting. After my MS diagnosis in 2006, things had to change. I decided to eliminate as much stress as possible, changing one thing at a time about my life with tiny steps. I soon realized that simplicity was at the heart of every change I made.
Thanks to simplifying my life, I live differently, work differently and love differently, better actually.
10 Little Reflections About Simplifying My Life
In 2010, when I started this blog, I started sharing what I learned along the way while simplifying my life. Then I wrote books about the changes I made. While I’m still making changes and continuing to simplify my life, it feels like some reflection is in order. Keeping things simple is a priority for me. When I reduce stress and create more space for myself, I feel better.
1. Simplicity is an inside job.
At first, when I thought about simplifying my life, I thought about the things around me. I put a big focus on decluttering my home and my schedule. As I look back I can see that decluttering was just scratching the surface of simplicity. I enjoy my clutter-free countertops and closet but the real magic is happening inside.
Simplifying on the inside has helped me to under react when I used to overreact, to steer clear of drama and to care less about what other people think about me. I don’t feel the need to respond to everything, attend everything or somehow involve myself in situations that don’t require my input. I protect my peace.
2. Simplifying my life slowly made it stick.
It took me years to declutter and downsize, pay off debt and start saving and giving, and even longer to leave my job and grow a business doing work I truly love. There were other things I did to live a healthier, simpler life, but none of them happened overnight. My transformation was an inch by inch, month by month, one at a time, year after year of consistent, slow change.
Ironically, it took me a really long time to figure out that simplifying slowly works faster than simplifying fast. I will always choose slow and steady over fast and furious because:
- Simplifying slowly sticks.
- Simplifying slowly lowers stress.
- Simplifying slowly allows time to learn and grow.
- Simplifying slowly actually works.
Slow progress is still progress. It’s not how fast we get there but that we arrive in good condition … that’s what really matters.
3. Letting go of things is actually easier than holding on to them.
We assume letting go of things is really hard but as it turns out, holding onto things is much more difficult. You have to hold on to things like clutter in your house, negative thoughts, goals and expectations all day, every day. They consume your space, time, energy and emotions. You only have to let go once.
The stories we tell ourselves about letting go make us fearful. Then, when we actually let go of something that isn’t adding value to our lives, we feel free. I often have to challenge my thoughts and stories and I’m always happy I do. Don’t feel like you are failing when it feels like it’s hard to let go of stuff, just check in on the stories you are telling yourself. Maybe it’s harder to hold on to stuff.
4. I used to think shopping was a stress reliever.
I really did! Years ago, when I started the Project 333 Challenge, and committed to dress with only 33 items (clothes, shoes, accessories, and jewelry) for 3 months, I was relieved that I wouldn’t be shopping for at least 3 months, but nervous too. What would I do when I felt like shopping to relieve stress? The best thing that happened was that instead of stuffing my feelings, I listened to them. Instead of shopping away pain or worry, I felt it. I started to understand that those feelings were my body’s way of saying, “Listen, something is not right.” not “Let’s go buy things.”
I used to shop for every event and emotion. Now, when I feel myself getting stressed, tired, sick, frustrated, or bored, I take better care of myself. My body and brain is telling it’s time to make a change, not that it’s time to go shopping. When I’m not feeling my best, I know my body is saying, “Take care of me.”
5. My life has become so much more abundant.
Owning less, scheduling less and stressing less has opened up so much time and space in my home and heart. Because I’m not always in search of more or what’s next, I recognize how abundant my life is. Being in the present moment is something I struggled with before I simplified. Now, it’s easier to come back to myself and to be content with my life. When I notice things getting in the way, removing me from my life, I remove them.
6. I never thought not drinking alcohol would be part of my simplicity journey.
I’ve questioned my drinking, I’ve managed my drinking. I’ve enjoyed my drinking and I’ve hated my drinking. Clearly, alcohol took up a lot of space in my mind and my life — says the woman who enjoys freeing up space in her mind and her life.
In 2011, I blogged about my decision to intentionally include alcohol in my life. I concluded that I did not have a problem. Eight years later, I realized I didn’t need to have a problem or “hit rock bottom” to stop drinking. uthor and Sobriety Evangelist, Holly Whitaker says, “The label Alcoholic and the “disease” alcoholism confuses and muddies. It keeps us focused on a label and a construct and distracts us from the REAL problem at hand, which is our individual relationship with alcohol. We should just be able to ask ourselves this simple question and honestly so: Does alcohol negatively impact our lives? And if so should we take steps to address it? Without the fear of having to accept a new identity.” If you are curious about how I quit drinking, this book was very helpful and I wrote more about my decision here.
7. My simplicity journey > my simplicity destination.
In the beginning I thought I’d arrive at some magical simplicity destination but instead, I’ve integrated simplicity into my life. As the saying goes, the journey is more important than the destination. It’s true! Even though I don’t have much decluttering to do these days, I’m often considering what I can simplify to make my life a little easier, my body and mind a little healthier and my close relationships even closer.
8. Simplifying my life didn’t make everything perfect.
We are messy. It’s part of the human condition. Highs, lows, ups, downs … all of it comes with being human, even when we’ve simplified. On the days when you aren’t your best, and when things are messy, be gentle with yourself. Don’t expect or demand more than you have to give. We can’t simplify our way into a perfect life. Remind yourself that “perfect” isn’t real. The messes have something to offer.
9. Simplifying my life gave me space to rest and relax.
Before I simplified my life, I was always in a race. Go. Go. Go. Simplifying my life allowed me to slow down and invited me to rest more and rest first. I realized that don’t have to earn rest. I can just take it. I even wrote a book about it, called Gentle that is coming out next year. You can read more about it here.
I know I need rest before I can rise. It’s so much harder to feel well, create the good stuff and make a difference in the world when you are overwhelmed. Breathe. Unplug. Protect your peace. It’s how we rest.
10. I need way less than I think to be happy.
The more I had, the more I wanted. It seemed like my clothes needed more clothes. “That sweater would go great with those jeans I have,” I would think. Or, “A new scarf or belt will really pull this look together.” I needed more in my kitchen, more in my home (more closet space, more cabinets, more shelves for my stuff). My stuff always needed more stuff.
My constant quest for more resulted in frustration, overspending, and discontent. In contrast, choosing from a smaller selection of clothes and other things makes me feel light, and I almost immediately feel gratitude for what I have instead of thinking about the next thing I need. When I applied this to the rest of my life, I finally realized I had enough and that I was enough.
